'Cause you're gonna sing the words wrong.

Vance Joy - Riptide (FlicFlac Edit)

ODESZA - Sun Models (feat. Madelyn Grant)

Petula Clark - Cut Copy Me (Compuphonic Remix)

Some friends finished highschool. I have 2 more years. It's not such a long time, but it's going to be the hardest.They got their whole life sorted out since they were around my age. I don't know what the heck I am going to do in 10 days from now.

I want to leave this place more than ever. Netherlands sounds just perfect. This is just a dream. I think that maybe some other place is going to be better for me, maybe even close to perfection (and yeah I know that perfection is overrated, like any other thing that you can't actually touch).

✖

"You know, I got to work with these people for less than a month, and the whole situation is just sad. They reached so far in life without actually living. They are 40-50 years olds and still live with their mothers. It just breaks my heart to think that at some point they were my age and that this scenario can happen to any of us. I guess I need to think that I am luckier." (Laura, and her internship)

Photo taken by me.

That’s the thing about pain. It demands to be felt.

BLACKBEAR - I NEED YOU
CAUGHT A GHOST - TIME GO
TOM MISCH - YOU GOT ME FLYING

I've read the book some while ago and recently saw the movie. To be honest I procrastinated this situation as much as I was able to. The book induced a storm inside me; one that lasted more than I expeted.
The fact that we were running late for the movie changed my state of mind. We got there just in time for the start of the chaos inside me. I often found myself finishing their lines, that's how much soul I put in their story. I cried, a lot. It was hard for me to breath sometimes. I panic and forget how to do this really simple act. I imagined the whole ending scene over and over in my mind. The pain in my chest was so big that somehow I couldn't feel my hands and my ears were deaf. The only things that worked properly were my eyes. I had falls coming out from my eyes. At some point I heard Andreea. She was crying silently and sighing every 3 seconds. It was heart breaking. My eyes were looking just at her. I forgot about the movie. I wanted to hold her hand and tell her that it wasn't real, but something in my conscience stoped me. I really wanted to make her feel better; but I didn't. I guess that's just how I am. I give up, too easly.
But there is one thing that still bothers me. There were two lovers few seats next to me. The woman slept half of the movie, and when the things started to get rough, the guy bursted into tears, loudly,(and is really hard not to listen to a grown up men crying like a baby) and I guess that's what woke her up. At first she was something like "Oh right now one of them is going to die", but in the end she just couldn't walk herself out of that movie theather. I don't understand this woman.

Photos by me. //12.July.2014//

/ / I've been trying to write this post for more than a week now. The words don't seem to feel right for me. / /
//Oh and if anyone wondered what movie was this about; "The Fault In Our Stars"//

The night's almost done.

JMSN - Love & Pain (Sango remix)
The Weeknd - Often

Last night I had a hard time falling asleep. As I was lying there in my bed, the moon was starring at me. I tried to close my eyes, in order to block the light that bothered me. My hands seemed out of place, so I put them on the pillow. That wasn't right either. Sometimes I stop breathing, and realize what my body is doing, right after I am left without air. My hands came down to my neck. "Can you squeeze your throat so hard, in order to kill yourself?". My mind is sending dizzy signals. "Can it be possible? Can you do it?". I act on impulse. "Squeeze!", and I put strength into it. "Harder. Yeah, that is good!". My fingers can heel the blood running faster through my veins, underneath the thin skin. Nails put a little more pain in, making it impossible to breath. I inhale heavily and let my hands around my body, far away from the sensitive area. Somehow my body felt free. I can feel my heart relaxed, blood a little bit warmer, lightweight air is filling my lungs. I forgot about the moon and it's irritating appearance. My eyes close, and I fade into infinite slumber.
 

 Photo by mirjan.

Because it's easier to run.

GIL SCOTT-HERON AND JAMIE XX - RUNNING

"Because it's easier to run, easier than staying and finding out you're the only one...who didn't run
because running will be the way your life and mine will be described"

I can’t surround myself with people full of hatred, evil souls and polite smiles. These are the most painful things I could experience. I don’t want to ever be like this, but I am afraid that the rough society we live in will turn even the purest soul into a demon. 

 ✖ ✖ ✖ ✖

Some piece of me still thinks of you every moment. I just keep playing you in my mind, like a really stupid and odd song. You don’t even notice me and it hurts to know that I am the only one that causes the pain I can feel in my chest sometimes. I feed myself with it, and I just can’t get enogh.

 ✖ ✖ ✖ ✖

I tasted the stars. I’ve never felt complete before this. The peace I had in me made my whole world seem amazing. I forgot everything, and only the moment mattered. Now I am biting the cold hard ground, and the rain is falling off the skies. Even they cry. 

 ✖ ✖ ✖ ✖

I would feel much better right now if only few tears will just fall down to the ground.

 ✖ ✖ ✖ ✖

Do you really like all the attention she gives you? I think you do like it a lot. You feed with it. It’s in your eyes. You like her, and it bothers me… because I could never be her.

 ✖ ✖ ✖ ✖

I am not sure, but I think I got bored of this situation. I love the idea of you. Your eyes, your hand, your smile, but there is something about you that makes me feel hate towards this flawless person I created in my head. I don’t know what it is yet, and I hope I will never get to figure that out.

 ✖ ✖ ✖ ✖

I keep wondering what will happen when I won’t be able to see you almost everyday. I somehow hope my feelings towards you will just simply fade away, without any harm to my soul. But then I want to keep you alive in my mind, and maybe someday you won’t be just a memory.

 ✖ ✖ ✖ ✖

Some fragments of my soul, I wrote over the past few months. 

Photo taken by me. 

Every night

The Neighbourhood - Staying Up

Arctic Monkeys - Do I Wanna Know?

Phantogram - Black Out Days

Lorde - Swimming Party

“It's better to be unhappy alone than unhappy with someone.” ― Marilyn Monroe

I don't want you, but I can't let you go either. It's selfish. I want to kill you. I want to put my fingers around your neck. Slowly squeeze. I want to see your eye balls getting bigger and bigger, and teardrops falling from your eyes, burning your cheek. I want to have control of you, and you to pray for your life. I want to have this last decision.Your last breath will be my first. But this is something I often think of, just for a second. The face changes, every time. I could never do this. I've never killed anything. Not even a fly.

 I wake up in the middle of the night with the feeling that I am all alone in the world, and that no one will ever love me again. I can't sleep. And, how could I? I have only nightmares, not dreams. I wake up tormented by them; and almost every time after this, I can't remember the actual action, just the pain I felt. "and that they will never have a decent night's sleep again and will spend their lives wandering blearily around a loveless landscape, hoping desperately that their circumstances will improve, but suspecting, in their heart of hearts, that they will remain unloved forever." (Lemony Snicket).

I like to be alone from time to time, but not lonely. I feel awful and I want a person that could enter that room and cure what is bothering me, but I know that is not possible.You just can't take one's pain... "In other words, loneliness is something I've never been bothered with because I've always had this terrible itch for solitude. [...]  I like myself. I'm the best form of entertainment I have." (Charles Bukowski)  Some say that solitude is a slow and painful death. It might be, but I've never lived different.

Photo by me.

Silver eyes.

The Neighbourhood - Silver
Lorde - Buzzcut Season 
Little Dragon - Twice
Katy Perry - Dark Horse ft Juicy J
Tyler, The Creator - Tamale
The 1975 - The City

“It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend.” 

― William Blake

I can't understand human mind. Well, I have one too, but mine is fine (or at least this is what I keep telling myself). I may seem like I don't care, but I do, and it hurts the way I can put so much feelings in everything I do. "Turn your feelings off". And it might seem like I managed to keep them away, but I actually just kept myself distracted, not thinking at all. Not doing anything. But, I guess this whole thing is pretty bad... because I ended up with my fingers on this keyboard, hopping I will feel better. But I don't.
I am an optimistic person, and I tend to take decisions without thinking when it comes to people I care about. I cared too much about you, I saw the best in you leaving all the rest behind. I have fallen in love with the idea of you, not with you. I knew from the start what would happen if I let myself close enough to someone, when I start to believe they loved me, I knew I was going to feel hurt. “It was one of those times you feel a sense of loss, even though you didn't have something in the first place. I guess that's what disappointment is- a sense of loss for something you never had.” ― Deb Caletti
I want to be strong enough to tell myself: "I don’t care how hard this is, I don’t care how disappointed I am, I’m not going to let this get the best of me. I’m moving on with my life." ― Joel Osteen

Photo by me: Opera Garnier

I know they say that some things are better left unsaid.

THE NEIGHBOURHOOD - WDYWFM
FRANK OCEAN - LOST
JOHN LEGEND - ALL OF ME
LORDE - BUZZCUT SEASON 
G-EAZY - BEEN ON 
KANYE WEST - BLACK SKINHEAD
THE WEEKND - PRETTY

Money money money, "it's just papaer, but it affects people like poetry".

Outside is cold and I love it. It makes me feel something. Walking around this big city is wonderful. the lights, the people that run on you everyday... everything is beautiful. They all got their minds full of shit,  and when you walk by they don't even see you,like you are invisible, and that is a good damn feeling. Listening to music and driving around really makes me feel better. It makes my head go all dark. No thoughts. No nothing.

Oh, and then you show up with those really good jokes and great personality. I don't even know why I like you so much and why I can't get you out of my mind. You just make me wonder about a lot of things. I never see you in my dreams, and it hurts a lot. I have only nightmares, and I hate that. I want to get to know you. I want you. I really do. I don't think I've ever felt something like this.
I like you for what you are. All your flaws make you seem flawless, for me.

I watched it all in my head, perfect sense.

The Neighbourhood - Female Robbery

Frank Ocean - Lost

The Neighbourhood - West Coast

The Weeknd - Devil May Cry

J. Cole - Power Trip 

Lorde - Tennis Court 

Outside was freaking cold and my knees were shaking so hard that I thought I would fall to the ground. We were just sitting there smoking some cigarettes, as usual. But this time something was different. He was different. There were a lot of people around us but when he put himself in front of me, his blue eyes were bruttaly staring into mine, my heart stopped. I couldn’t breathe, and I felt the blood getting warmer in my veins. I put the cigarette back in my mouth trying to keep calm and not showing out the excitement I felt. But he continued starring into my eyes. His eyes were different. He was already high. So I starred into his eyes, and told him to stop, hoping he would say something nice, but instead he just beautifully smiled at me and let his eyes hit the cold dark ground. I felt really bad about it so I left.

Dear A,

The Weeknd - Wanderlust

The Neighbourhood - Alleyways

The Neighbourhood - Afraid

Kavinsky - Odd Look ft. The Weeknd 

I haven’t wrote to you in a really long time.

Last week I was on your blog. I got bored, and scrolled down. 

I wasn’t expecting you to write about me. It was nice of you, to talk about me. To be honest I never expected you to even remember my name; I thought I was dead for you, burried in a box of memories. 

It’s funny and sad at the same time, how we got in the same highschool, see around school, and never talk one to each other. So many memories cross my mind when I see you. So many things happend to both of us. Sometimes I lay in my bed and think of you. I have sleeping and concentration issues, for some time. I remember you and I wonder what happend in your life. I can see that it had it ups and down, and I don’t know if right now it is an up or a down, but I can’t really do anything about it. I don’t have enough courage to come and talk with you. I just don’t. Sorry…

And yeah it is true. For your birthday I wrote a really nice thing that I planned to send to you, but I gave up. I just didn’t knew how you would react to it. I was scared. Such a coward. I am such a big coward and I know that. I got used to it. 

I know you changed a lot, like most of us, but I hope that in essence you are still the same person I considered my best friend, almost 3 years ago.

Good night, 

your friend A.

PS: I hope you got to read the thing I wrote about you. It’s tagged with “mine”, and it’s a photo. 

Making everything into a story

AlunaGeorge - Your Drums, Your Love

AlunaGeorge - You KNow You Like It

The XX - Fiction

The Weeknd - Kiss Land

Ricky Hil - Sarah's Song

I don't want to come back to my life. It was nice to be away from my home town for a little while. Being there and doing sruff that I usually don't, felt just right, like I belong there. Greece was great. Greece was funny. Greece was new. Seaside was amazing and the places we saw were memorable. And as a new place for me I enjoyed it at it's fullest.

As usual, I fell for an amazing guy who is hundreds and hundres miles away from me. It ruins all. 

It was nice to pretend that I was someone else for a little while. Comming back home was just a big disappointment.

 Being me feels odd.

 And the worst part of this is that I am sad again and I feel I could cry in any moment without any significant reason. Movies are my best friend. 

I still think that my writting skils are long gone from now and I can't seem to reach them anymore. They are dead. And this is one of the resons why I stopped writting. I guess I just have to try hard enough until I get something good out of it. 

 Love is all I need these days. And alcohoool.

If you have a tumblr account you can reblog these photos here.
http://teen-age-rs.tumblr.com/tagged/mine

It's hard to say.

The XX - Chained
Snakehips - On & On

Janet Jackson - Someone To Call My Lover (Giraffage Remix)

Kendrick Lamar - Swimming Pools (Drank)

MS MR - Fantasy

The XX - Angels

I don't have any acceptable apology for my really long absence. 

Well I don't know where to start. I loved this blog so much, and I still love it, but I don't know... writting just doesn't feel right. I think I just lost my ability of writting. The words used to come to me. Now I have to look deep down to find them. 

My feelings went to a whole new level. I had my moments when a cup of tea, some words, and a sad song were everything that could fill up the hole in my soul. Now I feel empty as fuck.(literally)

Words are just not enough, music is the same, and the tea, well the tea si not longer in my favorite things list. 

All I could think of last summer was highschool, and how awesome it would be. But honestly there is nothing special about it. It is exaclty like school, just it has older kids in it. They all like to party, get screwed over and spend mommy's and daddy's cash. :( 

I tried not to care about anything, and it wasn't good. Then I cared about everyone else other than me, and tried to be so friendly with all of those that wanted to talk with me, and share those little "secrets", and it wasn't good either cause I got told "You don't care anymore about me. You always leave me alone and that's fine because that's exactly what I am going to do from now on, and then you will feel exactly how I felt. Don't you dare to tell me after that I've changed. Let's see if you like it!" (E., my friend). I wanted to be sociable, and she got upset, cause I stopped to give her all of my attention. Was it wrong? 

I fell guilty because I am never there for L. (the other good friend of mine), and because I will deeply regret it someday. She's been put through so much things. She discovered she liked girls and boys at the same time. I've been suportive cause that was the right thing to do, but then I told her that  the girls she likes are not good at all, and double-faced, and I think that I pushed her away. Then everytime I wanted to go out with my friends, something xame up and I had to cancel. 

I feel I am losig it all. 

Lost in the pages of self made cages.

Mr Ms - Bones

Daughter - Youth (Alle Farben Remix)

Sky Ferreira - Everything Is Embarrassing (Krystal Klear Remix)

The Weeknd - Twenty Eight (Explicit)

XXYYXX - Bill Gates

Destiny's Child - Say My Name (Cyril Hahn Remix)

WEKEED - Wild Child

"Nowadays people know the price of everything and the value of nothing." - Osacr Wilde

It will sound like a really big cliche, but I am really sorry for my big absence. I just quess I am really happy at the moment -and I don't fell the need of writing-. Everything happens something... it may look  unimportant at the moment, but I know one day I will miss all those hilarious days. 

Evey second on this planet shows me how different I am. All teenagers at my age are the same fucking big cliché and they don't even realize it. Such a shame. Don't get my wrong on this. You may say "Oh No, what the fuck?", but I don't like Facebook. It's such a waist of time. I prefer Tumblr!!!! (best site ever!) Also, there's this bar every single kid on my school went at least once and got waisted. I don't really see what they like so much about it. Maybe it's the fact that they give alchool to everyone or the cheap beer (which btw it's combined with water and doesn't even tastes properly). I've tried to be like them. I tried smoking, which I said I hated, but I just did. I had my rebellion times. I didn't enjoyed it, although I thought I would, but it was a really big shit!!!!

I personally like to be thought as a weirdo.

We'll run to the future, shining like diamonds.

FRANK OCEAN - PYRAMIDS
THE PRETTY RECKLESS - KILL ME 

LANA DEL REY -  GODS & MONSTERS

PASSION PIT - TAKE A WALK

TEDDY PORTER - FEVER

SAN CISCO - AWKWARD

THE PIXIES - WHERE IS MY MIND

His question came to my like a tornado, "Have you ever been in love?". At first i didn't knew what to tell him, but the answer came as quick as I pronounced it, "No." His facial mimicry turned into a forced smile. I knew he wouldn't believed me, "That's impossible!" he said. Yeah. maybe it was impossible. I let him watch me for at least a minute, and afte he said "Come on, at least you had a crush on someone.". "Yeah a lot of crushes, but that's totally different from Love", I said with a deeply sad voice. He agreed, and I was happy. I would have enjoyed a long walk into the cold weather with snowflakes around me.

Intrebarea lui m-a lovit ca o tornada, in plina actiune, "Ai iubit vreodata pe cineva?". La inceput nu am stiut ce sa ii spun, dar  raspunsul a venit la fel de repede ca si pronuntarea lui "Nu.". Mimica fetei i s-a schimbat intr-un zambet fortat. Stiam ca nu ma va crede, "Asta este imposibil!", el a spus. Da, poate ca era imposibil. L-am lasat sa ma priveasca pentru cel putin un minut, cercetandu-mi cele mai mici detalii ale fetei, iar dupa aceea a spus "Haide, cel putin ai avut o simpatie pentru cineva". "Da am avut o multime de simpatii, dar astea sunt un lucru cu totul diferit fata de Iubire", am spus eu cu o tristete imensa in voce. A fost de acord, iar eu m-am bucurat.Mi-ar fi placut o plimbare lunga pentru vremea rece de afara cu fulgi de zapada peste tot in jurul meu.

With the hollywood smile

THE WEEKND - LONELY STAR
XXYYXX - XXYYXX (Full Album)

MAJOR LAZER ft. AMBER OF THE DIRTY PROJECTORS - GET FREE

BRUNO MARS - LOCKED OUT OF HEAVEN
NIRVANA - SMELLS LIKE TEEN SPIRIT
ALEX CLARE - CAROLINE
BENNY BENASSI ft. GARY GO - CINEMA (SKRILLEX remix)
FRANK OCEAN - NOVACANE 
THE XX - CHAINED 

It's been a long time, but it feels like it was just yesterday when I was in 1st grade.
Christmas and  New Year's Eve went and gone, so did my sadness time. I dyied my hair red, and it looks awesome, and now I only wear it on curls. On 9th I turned 15 yr, and I am fucking happy. I felt in love with Gerard Butler again, seeing that movie with him Chasing Mavericks, on my birthday. Spend some awesome time with E and L. I have 3 new class mates , and another one that has to come back from Switzerland. Officialy I lost 20kg, and I am super happy about that.  Started to read The Descendants by Kaui Hart Hemmings (super book), for school. I'll probably take a 2 at physical science, cause Mr. N promised to all of us low grades this semester. I feel like something is slipping away. I don't know what...
This seems to turn out to be my release.
So this was all I had to say (I think). It's been a long time and now it's late and I just felt like writing something in here. I know these are just a bunch of nonsense, but whatever... One day I'll look back, and laugh at all this moments that will become stories.

A trecut foarte mult timp, dar se simte de parca ieri eram în clasa I.
Crăciunul şi Anul Nou, au venit şi au plecat la fel de repede ca supărarea mea. Mi-am vopsit părul roşcat, şi arată minunat, mai ales că îl port numai în bucle. Pe 9 am împlinit 15 ani, şi sunt foarte fericită. M-am îndrăgostit din nou de Gerard Butler, văzându-l în filmul ăla al lui Valul Perfect, pe care l-am văzut de ziua mea. Am petrecut un timp minunat cu E şi L. Am 3 colege noi de clasă, şi încă unul care trebuie să se întoarcă din Elveţia. Oficial am pierdut 20kg, şi sunt foarte fericită din cauza asta. Am început să citesc Descendenţii de Kaui Hart Hemmings (super carte), pentru şcoala. Probabil că o să iau un 2 la Fizică aşa cum ne-a promis Nuţu note mici semestrul ăsta. Simt că ceva îmi scapă. Dar nu ştiu ce anume....
Se pare că blogul ăsta a ajuns să fie scăparea mea.
Deci, asta este tot ce aveam te spus (cred). A trecut mult timp şi acum este foarte târziu, iar eu pur şi simplu am simţit să scriu ceva aici. Ştiu că astea sunt o grămadă imensă de nonsensuri, dar nu conteza... Într-o zi o să mă uit înapoi, şi o să râd de toate momentele astea care vor deveni poveşti.

All these will be stories one day, but right now we are alive, and in this moment, I swear we are infinite

RADICAL FACE - WE'RE ON OUR WAY 

IMAGINE DRAGONS - IT'S TIME

PEACE - WRAITH 

BAT FOR LASHES - A WALL

THE XX - SWEPT AWAY

-The Perks Of Being A Wallflower-

"So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be."

"You see things. You keep quiet about them. And you understand.”"

"And in that moment, I swear we were infinite."

"I am very interested and fascinated how everyone loves each other, but no one really likes each other."

"I think it was the first time in my life I ever felt like I looked “good.” Do you know what I mean? That nice feeling when you look in the mirror, and your hair’s right for the first time in your life?"

"So, I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we'll never know most of them. But even if we don't have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there. We can still do things. And we can try to feel okay about them."

A thought slowly slip into my mind. It frightened me, at first but it was true. Who am I trying to lie?I've always been a wallflower, thought I never knew out there was a definition for such a thing.
Having so much time just for myself it's just not good for my soul and mind. I just got my mind full of  things that should never be there. I'm lazy, and I don't feel like doing anything. Tell me one sad thing and I'll immediately burst in tears.
They say Christmas spirit makes us all better persons. I love Christmas! I really do, but I just donţt know why I feel so empty. I am more than loved. "...I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be." - The Perks Of Being A Wall Flower

Un gând uşor a aluncat în mintea mea. M-a inspaimântat, la început. Pe cine încerc să mint? În totdeauna am fost o wallflower, cu toate că niciodată nu am crezut că există o definiţie pentru aşa ceva.
Având atât de mult timp doar pentru mine pur şi simplu nu este bine pentru sufletul şi mintea mea. Am mintea plină de lucruri care nu are trebui să fie acolo. Sunt leneşă, şi nu mă simt în stare de nimic. Spune-mi un singur lucru trist, şi imediat o să bufnesc în lacrimi.
Ei spun că spiritul Crăciunul ne face pe noi toţi persoane mai bune. Iubesc Crăciunul! Chiar îl iubesc, dar anul ăsta nu ştiu de ce mă simt aşa de pustie. Eu sunt mai mult decât iubită.  "...sunt în acelaşi timp şi fericit şi supărat şi încă încerc să îmi dau seama cum se poate întmpla aşa ceva." - The Perks Of Being A Wall Flower

Happy Holidays! :)

Take you down another level, get you dancing with the Devil

THE WEEKND - WICKED GAMES
JESSIE WARE - SWEET TALK

T. MILLS - CRYSTALIZED

YOUTH - DAUGHTER 

SKY FERREIRA - RED LIPS 

ED SHEERAN - GIVE ME LOVE 

DOG IS DEAD - TEENAGE DAUGHTER

THE XX - SUNSET

FRANK OCEAN - THINKING ABOUT YOU 

WIZ KHALIFA - REMEMBER YOU ft. THE WEEKND 

The wind is blowing so hard, and the snow is falling down to erath in big snowflakes. The loud and crowded city from daytime, at night it's quiet and mysterious. I painted my soul in red, so I could feel warm inside. Through my veins blood turns into Alcohol. And I'll never look the same again. There is another major change in me, and this time we all know this.

I always thought it was sad the way we act like strangers, but now that all is done, I just don't know anymore..

"I'mma be in your memory?", I wanted to ask her, now that we're not going to see each other every day any more, but everytime this kind of talks, show up the ugliest parts in people.

I hate the time I'm spending all alone, thinking about long-time death things while I'm singing along and a tornado flowing around my room. When I look at all the mess it made my body's shaking.

It may be barbarian, but when I look in the mirror and see all these bones, throught my skin, a little shy smile is taking place on my face. 

“It will never get old, not in my soul, not in my spirit, keep it alive.” - Frank Ocean

“Love everything…fear only brings death to the soul.” - Elle Fanning

Vântul bate aşa de tare, iar zăpada cade pe pământ în fulgi imenşi de zăpadă. Zgomotosul şi aglomeratul oraş din timpul zilei, în timpul nopţii este tăcut şi misterios. Mi-am pictat sufletul în roşu, pentru a simţi căldură interioară. Prin venele mele sângele se transforma in Alcool. Niciodată nu o să arăt la fel. Acolo este o altă schimbare majoră în interiorul meu, iar de data asta ştim cu toţii lucrul acesta. 
Mereu am crezut că este trist modul cum ne purtăm ca doi străini, dar acum că totul s-a terminat, pur şi simplu nu mai ştiu.
"O să fiu în gândurile tale?", am vrut să o întreb, acum că nu o să ne mai vedem în fiecare zi, dar de fiecare dată genul ăsta de discuţii scot la iveală cele mai urâte părţi din oameni. 
Urăsc momentele pe care mi le petrec complet singură, gândindu-mă la lucruri de mult moarte, în timp ce fredonez, iar o tornadă zboară în jurul camerei mele. Când mă uit la dezastrul pe care îl lasă în urmă, corpul meu tremură. 
Poate că este barbar modul în care mă uit în oglindă şi văd toate aceste oase conturate pe piele mea, şi cum un mic zâmbet timid îmi apare pe faţă. 
"Asta nu va îmbătrâni niciodată, nu în sufletul meu, nu în spiritul meu, o să o păstrez în viaţă." - Frank Ocean
"Iubeşte tot ce ai... frica aduce numai moartea sufletului." - Elle Fanning 

That’s the best revenge of all: HAPPINESS. Nothing drives people crazier than seeing someone have a good fucking life

- Chuck Palahniuk

Oh you're so naive yet so,

THE KOOKS - NAIVE 
XXYYXX - DMT
STEFFALOO - CAN'T YOU SEE 
GABRIELLE APLIN - HOME
CLAMS CASINO - ALL I NEED

"I'm ugly! Look at me! I am fat, and nobody likes me.", my lil sister told me, and in that moment I swear I wanted to hold her tight and tell her how much I love her, but instead, I felt breathless, and my hart broke in 1000 thiny pieces, and turned around to shed a tear. In just one secound all my life appeared like a movie in front of my eyes. The times when I felt "ugly, fat, useless, hopeless, invisible, depressed" were the hardest, but I escaped from this black hole due to the words mom once told me at 2am in the morning, when I felt like giving up . "You're beautiful! Who the fuck made you think this? You're not fat, ugly, or anything you said one moment ago. I love you, don't ever forget it! Got it?", I told her, and she was just about to cry.

E told me "You're totally obsessed with him... Can't you just not try to be so desperate for attention?". At first I was pissed off, for what she told me but then I sat and thought...
I like to stay at night, outside on my balcony, watch the Moon, and let the cold get into my chest. It's so quiet that I can ever hear my thouhts. I close my eyes and see him, like a ghost.

"Sunt uâtă! Uită-te la mine! Sunt grasă, şi nimeni nu mă place.", surioara mea mai mică mi-a spus, şi în acel moment jur că aş fi vrut să mă duc la ea şi să o iau în braţe şi să o strâng strâns şi să îi spun cât de mult o iubesc, dar în loc să fac asta, în schimb, m-am simţit fără suflare, iar inima mea se spărsese in 1000 de bucăţele micuţe-micuţe, aşa că m-am întors ca să vars o lacrimă. În doar o secundă toată viaţa mi-a apărut în faţa ochilor, ca şi cum ar fi fost un film. Momentele în care m-am simţit urâtă, grasă, nefolositoare, invizibilă, depresivă... au fost cele mai grele, dar am reuşit să evadez din acea gaură neagră cu ajutorul cuvintelor pe care mama mi le-a spus la 2 noaptea, când am simţit că o sa cedez. "Eşti frumoasă! Cine naiba te-a făcut să crezi aşa ceva? Nu eşti grasă, urâtă, sau orice ai spus tu acum o secundă. Te iubesc, şi să nu uiţi asta niciodată! Ai înţeles?" i'-am spus iar ea era cat pe ce să plângă.
E, mi-a spus "Esti complet obsedata de el... Nu poti, pur si simplu sa nu mai fii asa diserata dupa atentie?". La inceput m-am enervat, din cauza celor spuse de ea, dar dupa aceea am stat si m-am gandit...
Imi place sa stau noaptea, afara pe balconul meu, sa privesc Luna, si sa las aerul rece sa imi intre in piept. Este asa de liniste ca pot chiar sa imi aud gandurile . Imi inchid ochii, si il vad pe el, ca o fantoma.

I know your face all too well, still I wake up alone.

THE XX - TRY

THE XX - FICTION

(love this band so much. their new album is so hot!)

I still feel the music in my ears, and the smoke in my chest. Last night feels like a dream. The most hallucinating dream  I've ever had. Thought it was painful to see M. (I found out what his name is-the guy i like) dancing with 10 or so, different girls, but what ever. "Can you introduce me to some freshman?", he told my best-friend's (E.) friend. Fucking twat! I was standing almost next to him, and when I heard such a thing, I fuck off from the dance floor, for like 15 minutes, and talked with E., that was hart broken because of another guy. I left to the bathroom with L. She hugged me with her skinny arms, and started to cry: "A. what I've done? I'm so stupid. What I'm going to do now? She's upset on me. I didn't meant to do it. You believe me? Tell me you do!". And I do. I know she didn't meant it. It just happened.

 Încă pot simţi muzica în urechi, şi fumul în pieptul meu. Noaptea trecută a fost ca un vis. Cel mai  halucinant  vis pe are l-am avut vreodată. Chiar dacă a fost dureros să îl vad pe M. (am aflat cum îl cheama pe tipul de care îmi place) dansând cu 10 (sau chiar mai bine de) fete diferite, dar îmi este indiferent. “Poţi să îmi faci cunoştinţă cu câteva boboace?”, el  l-a întrebat pe prietenul, prietenei mele cele mai bune (E.). Al naibii de idiot! Stăteam  prope de el, dar când am auzit aşa ceva, m-am cărat de pe ringul de dans, pentru aproximativ 15 minute, ca să vorbesc cu E. care avea inima rupta în două din cauza unui alt tip. M-am dus la baie cu L, iar ea m-a luat în braţe şi a început să plângă: "A., ce am făcut? Sunt aşa de proastă. Ce o să fac acum? S-a suparat pe mine, ştiu. Nu am intenţionat să o fac. Mă crezi? Spune-mi că mă crezi!". Eu o cred. Ştiu că nu a intenţionat să o facă. Doar s-a întâmplat.