Wednesday, December 25, 2013

I know they say that some things are better left unsaid.

Money money money, "it's just papaer, but it affects people like poetry".
Outside is cold and I love it. It makes me feel something. Walking around this big city is wonderful. the lights, the people that run on you everyday... everything is beautiful. They all got their minds full of shit,  and when you walk by they don't even see you,like you are invisible, and that is a good damn feeling. Listening to music and driving around really makes me feel better. It makes my head go all dark. No thoughts. No nothing.
Oh, and then you show up with those really good jokes and great personality. I don't even know why I like you so much and why I can't get you out of my mind. You just make me wonder about a lot of things. I never see you in my dreams, and it hurts a lot. I have only nightmares, and I hate that. I want to get to know you. I want you. I really do. I don't think I've ever felt something like this.
I like you for what you are. All your flaws make you seem flawless, for me.

Saturday, December 21, 2013

I watched it all in my head, perfect sense.

Outside was freaking cold and my knees were shaking so hard that I thought I would fall to the ground. We were just sitting there smoking some cigarettes, as usual. But this time something was different. He was different. There were a lot of people around us but when he put himself in front of me, his blue eyes were bruttaly staring into mine, my heart stopped. I couldn’t breathe, and I felt the blood getting warmer in my veins. I put the cigarette back in my mouth trying to keep calm and not showing out the excitement I felt. But he continued starring into my eyes. His eyes were different. He was already high. So I starred into his eyes, and told him to stop, hoping he would say something nice, but instead he just beautifully smiled at me and let his eyes hit the cold dark ground. I felt really bad about it so I left.

Friday, December 6, 2013

Dear A,

I haven’t wrote to you in a really long time.

Last week I was on your blog. I got bored, and scrolled down. 

I wasn’t expecting you to write about me. It was nice of you, to talk about me. To be honest I never expected you to even remember my name; I thought I was dead for you, burried in a box of memories. 

It’s funny and sad at the same time, how we got in the same highschool, see around school, and never talk one to each other. So many memories cross my mind when I see you. So many things happend to both of us. Sometimes I lay in my bed and think of you. I have sleeping and concentration issues, for some time. I remember you and I wonder what happend in your life. I can see that it had it ups and down, and I don’t know if right now it is an up or a down, but I can’t really do anything about it. I don’t have enough courage to come and talk with you. I just don’t. Sorry…

And yeah it is true. For your birthday I wrote a really nice thing that I planned to send to you, but I gave up. I just didn’t knew how you would react to it. I was scared. Such a coward. I am such a big coward and I know that. I got used to it. 

I know you changed a lot, like most of us, but I hope that in essence you are still the same person I considered my best friend, almost 3 years ago.

Good night, 

your friend A.

PS: I hope you got to read the thing I wrote about you. It’s tagged with “mine”, and it’s a photo. 

Monday, July 29, 2013

Making everything into a story

I don't want to come back to my life. It was nice to be away from my home town for a little while. Being there and doing sruff that I usually don't, felt just right, like I belong there. Greece was great. Greece was funny. Greece was new. Seaside was amazing and the places we saw were memorable. And as a new place for me I enjoyed it at it's fullest.
As usual, I fell for an amazing guy who is hundreds and hundres miles away from me. It ruins all. 
It was nice to pretend that I was someone else for a little while. Comming back home was just a big disappointment.
 Being me feels odd.
 And the worst part of this is that I am sad again and I feel I could cry in any moment without any significant reason. Movies are my best friend. 
I still think that my writting skils are long gone from now and I can't seem to reach them anymore. They are dead. And this is one of the resons why I stopped writting. I guess I just have to try hard enough until I get something good out of it. 
 Love is all I need these days. And alcohoool.

If you have a tumblr account you can reblog these photos here.

Sunday, May 5, 2013

It's hard to say.

I don't have any acceptable apology for my really long absence. 
Well I don't know where to start. I loved this blog so much, and I still love it, but I don't know... writting just doesn't feel right. I think I just lost my ability of writting. The words used to come to me. Now I have to look deep down to find them. 
My feelings went to a whole new level. I had my moments when a cup of tea, some words, and a sad song were everything that could fill up the hole in my soul. Now I feel empty as fuck.(literally)
Words are just not enough, music is the same, and the tea, well the tea si not longer in my favorite things list
All I could think of last summer was highschool, and how awesome it would be. But honestly there is nothing special about it. It is exaclty like school, just it has older kids in it. They all like to party, get screwed over and spend mommy's and daddy's cash. :( 
I tried not to care about anything, and it wasn't good. Then I cared about everyone else other than me, and tried to be so friendly with all of those that wanted to talk with me, and share those little "secrets", and it wasn't good either cause I got told "You don't care anymore about me. You always leave me alone and that's fine because that's exactly what I am going to do from now on, and then you will feel exactly how I felt. Don't you dare to tell me after that I've changed. Let's see if you like it!" (E., my friend). I wanted to be sociable, and she got upset, cause I stopped to give her all of my attention. Was it wrong? 
I fell guilty because I am never there for L. (the other good friend of mine), and because I will deeply regret it someday. She's been put through so much things. She discovered she liked girls and boys at the same time. I've been suportive cause that was the right thing to do, but then I told her that  the girls she likes are not good at all, and double-faced, and I think that I pushed her away. Then everytime I wanted to go out with my friends, something xame up and I had to cancel. 
I feel I am losig it all. 

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Lost in the pages of self made cages.

"Nowadays people know the price of everything and the value of nothing." - Osacr Wilde
It will sound like a really big cliche, but I am really sorry for my big absence. I just quess I am really happy at the moment -and I don't fell the need of writing-. Everything happens something... it may look  unimportant at the moment, but I know one day I will miss all those hilarious days. 
Evey second on this planet shows me how different I am. All teenagers at my age are the same fucking big cliché and they don't even realize it. Such a shame. Don't get my wrong on this. You may say "Oh No, what the fuck?", but I don't like Facebook. It's such a waist of time. I prefer Tumblr!!!! (best site ever!) Also, there's this bar every single kid on my school went at least once and got waisted. I don't really see what they like so much about it. Maybe it's the fact that they give alchool to everyone or the cheap beer (which btw it's combined with water and doesn't even tastes properly). I've tried to be like them. I tried smoking, which I said I hated, but I just did. I had my rebellion times. I didn't enjoyed it, although I thought I would, but it was a really big shit!!!!
I personally like to be thought as a weirdo.

Monday, February 18, 2013

We'll run to the future, shining like diamonds.

His question came to my like a tornado, "Have you ever been in love?". At first i didn't knew what to tell him, but the answer came as quick as I pronounced it, "No." His facial mimicry turned into a forced smile. I knew he wouldn't believed me, "That's impossible!" he said. Yeah. maybe it was impossible. I let him watch me for at least a minute, and afte he said "Come on, at least you had a crush on someone.". "Yeah a lot of crushes, but that's totally different from Love", I said with a deeply sad voice. He agreed, and I was happy. I would have enjoyed a long walk into the cold weather with snowflakes around me.

Intrebarea lui m-a lovit ca o tornada, in plina actiune, "Ai iubit vreodata pe cineva?". La inceput nu am stiut ce sa ii spun, dar  raspunsul a venit la fel de repede ca si pronuntarea lui "Nu.". Mimica fetei i s-a schimbat intr-un zambet fortat. Stiam ca nu ma va crede, "Asta este imposibil!", el a spus. Da, poate ca era imposibil. L-am lasat sa ma priveasca pentru cel putin un minut, cercetandu-mi cele mai mici detalii ale fetei, iar dupa aceea a spus "Haide, cel putin ai avut o simpatie pentru cineva". "Da am avut o multime de simpatii, dar astea sunt un lucru cu totul diferit fata de Iubire", am spus eu cu o tristete imensa in voce. A fost de acord, iar eu m-am bucurat.Mi-ar fi placut o plimbare lunga pentru vremea rece de afara cu fulgi de zapada peste tot in jurul meu.

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

With the hollywood smile


It's been a long time, but it feels like it was just yesterday when I was in 1st grade.
Christmas and  New Year's Eve went and gone, so did my sadness time. I dyied my hair red, and it looks awesome, and now I only wear it on curls. On 9th I turned 15 yr, and I am fucking happy. I felt in love with Gerard Butler again, seeing that movie with him Chasing Mavericks, on my birthday. Spend some awesome time with E and L. I have 3 new class mates , and another one that has to come back from Switzerland. Officialy I lost 20kg, and I am super happy about that.  Started to read The Descendants by Kaui Hart Hemmings (super book), for school. I'll probably take a 2 at physical science, cause Mr. N promised to all of us low grades this semester. I feel like something is slipping away. I don't know what...
This seems to turn out to be my release.
So this was all I had to say (I think). It's been a long time and now it's late and I just felt like writing something in here. I know these are just a bunch of nonsense, but whatever... One day I'll look back, and laugh at all this moments that will become stories.

A trecut foarte mult timp, dar se simte de parca ieri eram în clasa I.
Crăciunul şi Anul Nou, au venit şi au plecat la fel de repede ca supărarea mea. Mi-am vopsit părul roşcat, şi arată minunat, mai ales că îl port numai în bucle. Pe 9 am împlinit 15 ani, şi sunt foarte fericită. M-am îndrăgostit din nou de Gerard Butler, văzându-l în filmul ăla al lui Valul Perfect, pe care l-am văzut de ziua mea. Am petrecut un timp minunat cu E şi L. Am 3 colege noi de clasă, şi încă unul care trebuie să se întoarcă din Elveţia. Oficial am pierdut 20kg, şi sunt foarte fericită din cauza asta. Am început să citesc Descendenţii de Kaui Hart Hemmings (super carte), pentru şcoala. Probabil că o să iau un 2 la Fizică aşa cum ne-a promis Nuţu note mici semestrul ăsta. Simt că ceva îmi scapă. Dar nu ştiu ce anume....
Se pare că blogul ăsta a ajuns să fie scăparea mea.
Deci, asta este tot ce aveam te spus (cred). A trecut mult timp şi acum este foarte târziu, iar eu pur şi simplu am simţit să scriu ceva aici. Ştiu că astea sunt o grămadă imensă de nonsensuri, dar nu conteza... Într-o zi o să mă uit înapoi, şi o să râd de toate momentele astea care vor deveni poveşti.