It's hard to say.

The XX - Chained
Snakehips - On & On

Janet Jackson - Someone To Call My Lover (Giraffage Remix)

Kendrick Lamar - Swimming Pools (Drank)

MS MR - Fantasy

The XX - Angels

I don't have any acceptable apology for my really long absence. 

Well I don't know where to start. I loved this blog so much, and I still love it, but I don't know... writting just doesn't feel right. I think I just lost my ability of writting. The words used to come to me. Now I have to look deep down to find them. 

My feelings went to a whole new level. I had my moments when a cup of tea, some words, and a sad song were everything that could fill up the hole in my soul. Now I feel empty as fuck.(literally)

Words are just not enough, music is the same, and the tea, well the tea si not longer in my favorite things list. 

All I could think of last summer was highschool, and how awesome it would be. But honestly there is nothing special about it. It is exaclty like school, just it has older kids in it. They all like to party, get screwed over and spend mommy's and daddy's cash. :( 

I tried not to care about anything, and it wasn't good. Then I cared about everyone else other than me, and tried to be so friendly with all of those that wanted to talk with me, and share those little "secrets", and it wasn't good either cause I got told "You don't care anymore about me. You always leave me alone and that's fine because that's exactly what I am going to do from now on, and then you will feel exactly how I felt. Don't you dare to tell me after that I've changed. Let's see if you like it!" (E., my friend). I wanted to be sociable, and she got upset, cause I stopped to give her all of my attention. Was it wrong? 

I fell guilty because I am never there for L. (the other good friend of mine), and because I will deeply regret it someday. She's been put through so much things. She discovered she liked girls and boys at the same time. I've been suportive cause that was the right thing to do, but then I told her that  the girls she likes are not good at all, and double-faced, and I think that I pushed her away. Then everytime I wanted to go out with my friends, something xame up and I had to cancel. 

I feel I am losig it all. 

Lost in the pages of self made cages.

Mr Ms - Bones

Daughter - Youth (Alle Farben Remix)

Sky Ferreira - Everything Is Embarrassing (Krystal Klear Remix)

The Weeknd - Twenty Eight (Explicit)

XXYYXX - Bill Gates

Destiny's Child - Say My Name (Cyril Hahn Remix)

WEKEED - Wild Child

"Nowadays people know the price of everything and the value of nothing." - Osacr Wilde

It will sound like a really big cliche, but I am really sorry for my big absence. I just quess I am really happy at the moment -and I don't fell the need of writing-. Everything happens something... it may look  unimportant at the moment, but I know one day I will miss all those hilarious days. 

Evey second on this planet shows me how different I am. All teenagers at my age are the same fucking big cliché and they don't even realize it. Such a shame. Don't get my wrong on this. You may say "Oh No, what the fuck?", but I don't like Facebook. It's such a waist of time. I prefer Tumblr!!!! (best site ever!) Also, there's this bar every single kid on my school went at least once and got waisted. I don't really see what they like so much about it. Maybe it's the fact that they give alchool to everyone or the cheap beer (which btw it's combined with water and doesn't even tastes properly). I've tried to be like them. I tried smoking, which I said I hated, but I just did. I had my rebellion times. I didn't enjoyed it, although I thought I would, but it was a really big shit!!!!

I personally like to be thought as a weirdo.

We'll run to the future, shining like diamonds.

FRANK OCEAN - PYRAMIDS
THE PRETTY RECKLESS - KILL ME 

LANA DEL REY -  GODS & MONSTERS

PASSION PIT - TAKE A WALK

TEDDY PORTER - FEVER

SAN CISCO - AWKWARD

THE PIXIES - WHERE IS MY MIND

His question came to my like a tornado, "Have you ever been in love?". At first i didn't knew what to tell him, but the answer came as quick as I pronounced it, "No." His facial mimicry turned into a forced smile. I knew he wouldn't believed me, "That's impossible!" he said. Yeah. maybe it was impossible. I let him watch me for at least a minute, and afte he said "Come on, at least you had a crush on someone.". "Yeah a lot of crushes, but that's totally different from Love", I said with a deeply sad voice. He agreed, and I was happy. I would have enjoyed a long walk into the cold weather with snowflakes around me.

Intrebarea lui m-a lovit ca o tornada, in plina actiune, "Ai iubit vreodata pe cineva?". La inceput nu am stiut ce sa ii spun, dar  raspunsul a venit la fel de repede ca si pronuntarea lui "Nu.". Mimica fetei i s-a schimbat intr-un zambet fortat. Stiam ca nu ma va crede, "Asta este imposibil!", el a spus. Da, poate ca era imposibil. L-am lasat sa ma priveasca pentru cel putin un minut, cercetandu-mi cele mai mici detalii ale fetei, iar dupa aceea a spus "Haide, cel putin ai avut o simpatie pentru cineva". "Da am avut o multime de simpatii, dar astea sunt un lucru cu totul diferit fata de Iubire", am spus eu cu o tristete imensa in voce. A fost de acord, iar eu m-am bucurat.Mi-ar fi placut o plimbare lunga pentru vremea rece de afara cu fulgi de zapada peste tot in jurul meu.

With the hollywood smile

THE WEEKND - LONELY STAR
XXYYXX - XXYYXX (Full Album)

MAJOR LAZER ft. AMBER OF THE DIRTY PROJECTORS - GET FREE

BRUNO MARS - LOCKED OUT OF HEAVEN
NIRVANA - SMELLS LIKE TEEN SPIRIT
ALEX CLARE - CAROLINE
BENNY BENASSI ft. GARY GO - CINEMA (SKRILLEX remix)
FRANK OCEAN - NOVACANE 
THE XX - CHAINED 

It's been a long time, but it feels like it was just yesterday when I was in 1st grade.
Christmas and  New Year's Eve went and gone, so did my sadness time. I dyied my hair red, and it looks awesome, and now I only wear it on curls. On 9th I turned 15 yr, and I am fucking happy. I felt in love with Gerard Butler again, seeing that movie with him Chasing Mavericks, on my birthday. Spend some awesome time with E and L. I have 3 new class mates , and another one that has to come back from Switzerland. Officialy I lost 20kg, and I am super happy about that.  Started to read The Descendants by Kaui Hart Hemmings (super book), for school. I'll probably take a 2 at physical science, cause Mr. N promised to all of us low grades this semester. I feel like something is slipping away. I don't know what...
This seems to turn out to be my release.
So this was all I had to say (I think). It's been a long time and now it's late and I just felt like writing something in here. I know these are just a bunch of nonsense, but whatever... One day I'll look back, and laugh at all this moments that will become stories.

A trecut foarte mult timp, dar se simte de parca ieri eram în clasa I.
Crăciunul şi Anul Nou, au venit şi au plecat la fel de repede ca supărarea mea. Mi-am vopsit părul roşcat, şi arată minunat, mai ales că îl port numai în bucle. Pe 9 am împlinit 15 ani, şi sunt foarte fericită. M-am îndrăgostit din nou de Gerard Butler, văzându-l în filmul ăla al lui Valul Perfect, pe care l-am văzut de ziua mea. Am petrecut un timp minunat cu E şi L. Am 3 colege noi de clasă, şi încă unul care trebuie să se întoarcă din Elveţia. Oficial am pierdut 20kg, şi sunt foarte fericită din cauza asta. Am început să citesc Descendenţii de Kaui Hart Hemmings (super carte), pentru şcoala. Probabil că o să iau un 2 la Fizică aşa cum ne-a promis Nuţu note mici semestrul ăsta. Simt că ceva îmi scapă. Dar nu ştiu ce anume....
Se pare că blogul ăsta a ajuns să fie scăparea mea.
Deci, asta este tot ce aveam te spus (cred). A trecut mult timp şi acum este foarte târziu, iar eu pur şi simplu am simţit să scriu ceva aici. Ştiu că astea sunt o grămadă imensă de nonsensuri, dar nu conteza... Într-o zi o să mă uit înapoi, şi o să râd de toate momentele astea care vor deveni poveşti.

All these will be stories one day, but right now we are alive, and in this moment, I swear we are infinite

RADICAL FACE - WE'RE ON OUR WAY 

IMAGINE DRAGONS - IT'S TIME

PEACE - WRAITH 

BAT FOR LASHES - A WALL

THE XX - SWEPT AWAY

-The Perks Of Being A Wallflower-

"So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be."

"You see things. You keep quiet about them. And you understand.”"

"And in that moment, I swear we were infinite."

"I am very interested and fascinated how everyone loves each other, but no one really likes each other."

"I think it was the first time in my life I ever felt like I looked “good.” Do you know what I mean? That nice feeling when you look in the mirror, and your hair’s right for the first time in your life?"

"So, I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we'll never know most of them. But even if we don't have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there. We can still do things. And we can try to feel okay about them."

A thought slowly slip into my mind. It frightened me, at first but it was true. Who am I trying to lie?I've always been a wallflower, thought I never knew out there was a definition for such a thing.
Having so much time just for myself it's just not good for my soul and mind. I just got my mind full of  things that should never be there. I'm lazy, and I don't feel like doing anything. Tell me one sad thing and I'll immediately burst in tears.
They say Christmas spirit makes us all better persons. I love Christmas! I really do, but I just donţt know why I feel so empty. I am more than loved. "...I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be." - The Perks Of Being A Wall Flower

Un gând uşor a aluncat în mintea mea. M-a inspaimântat, la început. Pe cine încerc să mint? În totdeauna am fost o wallflower, cu toate că niciodată nu am crezut că există o definiţie pentru aşa ceva.
Având atât de mult timp doar pentru mine pur şi simplu nu este bine pentru sufletul şi mintea mea. Am mintea plină de lucruri care nu are trebui să fie acolo. Sunt leneşă, şi nu mă simt în stare de nimic. Spune-mi un singur lucru trist, şi imediat o să bufnesc în lacrimi.
Ei spun că spiritul Crăciunul ne face pe noi toţi persoane mai bune. Iubesc Crăciunul! Chiar îl iubesc, dar anul ăsta nu ştiu de ce mă simt aşa de pustie. Eu sunt mai mult decât iubită.  "...sunt în acelaşi timp şi fericit şi supărat şi încă încerc să îmi dau seama cum se poate întmpla aşa ceva." - The Perks Of Being A Wall Flower

Happy Holidays! :)

Take you down another level, get you dancing with the Devil

THE WEEKND - WICKED GAMES
JESSIE WARE - SWEET TALK

T. MILLS - CRYSTALIZED

YOUTH - DAUGHTER 

SKY FERREIRA - RED LIPS 

ED SHEERAN - GIVE ME LOVE 

DOG IS DEAD - TEENAGE DAUGHTER

THE XX - SUNSET

FRANK OCEAN - THINKING ABOUT YOU 

WIZ KHALIFA - REMEMBER YOU ft. THE WEEKND 

The wind is blowing so hard, and the snow is falling down to erath in big snowflakes. The loud and crowded city from daytime, at night it's quiet and mysterious. I painted my soul in red, so I could feel warm inside. Through my veins blood turns into Alcohol. And I'll never look the same again. There is another major change in me, and this time we all know this.

I always thought it was sad the way we act like strangers, but now that all is done, I just don't know anymore..

"I'mma be in your memory?", I wanted to ask her, now that we're not going to see each other every day any more, but everytime this kind of talks, show up the ugliest parts in people.

I hate the time I'm spending all alone, thinking about long-time death things while I'm singing along and a tornado flowing around my room. When I look at all the mess it made my body's shaking.

It may be barbarian, but when I look in the mirror and see all these bones, throught my skin, a little shy smile is taking place on my face. 

“It will never get old, not in my soul, not in my spirit, keep it alive.” - Frank Ocean

“Love everything…fear only brings death to the soul.” - Elle Fanning

Vântul bate aşa de tare, iar zăpada cade pe pământ în fulgi imenşi de zăpadă. Zgomotosul şi aglomeratul oraş din timpul zilei, în timpul nopţii este tăcut şi misterios. Mi-am pictat sufletul în roşu, pentru a simţi căldură interioară. Prin venele mele sângele se transforma in Alcool. Niciodată nu o să arăt la fel. Acolo este o altă schimbare majoră în interiorul meu, iar de data asta ştim cu toţii lucrul acesta. 
Mereu am crezut că este trist modul cum ne purtăm ca doi străini, dar acum că totul s-a terminat, pur şi simplu nu mai ştiu.
"O să fiu în gândurile tale?", am vrut să o întreb, acum că nu o să ne mai vedem în fiecare zi, dar de fiecare dată genul ăsta de discuţii scot la iveală cele mai urâte părţi din oameni. 
Urăsc momentele pe care mi le petrec complet singură, gândindu-mă la lucruri de mult moarte, în timp ce fredonez, iar o tornadă zboară în jurul camerei mele. Când mă uit la dezastrul pe care îl lasă în urmă, corpul meu tremură. 
Poate că este barbar modul în care mă uit în oglindă şi văd toate aceste oase conturate pe piele mea, şi cum un mic zâmbet timid îmi apare pe faţă. 
"Asta nu va îmbătrâni niciodată, nu în sufletul meu, nu în spiritul meu, o să o păstrez în viaţă." - Frank Ocean
"Iubeşte tot ce ai... frica aduce numai moartea sufletului." - Elle Fanning 

That’s the best revenge of all: HAPPINESS. Nothing drives people crazier than seeing someone have a good fucking life

- Chuck Palahniuk

Oh you're so naive yet so,

THE KOOKS - NAIVE 
XXYYXX - DMT
STEFFALOO - CAN'T YOU SEE 
GABRIELLE APLIN - HOME
CLAMS CASINO - ALL I NEED

"I'm ugly! Look at me! I am fat, and nobody likes me.", my lil sister told me, and in that moment I swear I wanted to hold her tight and tell her how much I love her, but instead, I felt breathless, and my hart broke in 1000 thiny pieces, and turned around to shed a tear. In just one secound all my life appeared like a movie in front of my eyes. The times when I felt "ugly, fat, useless, hopeless, invisible, depressed" were the hardest, but I escaped from this black hole due to the words mom once told me at 2am in the morning, when I felt like giving up . "You're beautiful! Who the fuck made you think this? You're not fat, ugly, or anything you said one moment ago. I love you, don't ever forget it! Got it?", I told her, and she was just about to cry.

E told me "You're totally obsessed with him... Can't you just not try to be so desperate for attention?". At first I was pissed off, for what she told me but then I sat and thought...
I like to stay at night, outside on my balcony, watch the Moon, and let the cold get into my chest. It's so quiet that I can ever hear my thouhts. I close my eyes and see him, like a ghost.

"Sunt uâtă! Uită-te la mine! Sunt grasă, şi nimeni nu mă place.", surioara mea mai mică mi-a spus, şi în acel moment jur că aş fi vrut să mă duc la ea şi să o iau în braţe şi să o strâng strâns şi să îi spun cât de mult o iubesc, dar în loc să fac asta, în schimb, m-am simţit fără suflare, iar inima mea se spărsese in 1000 de bucăţele micuţe-micuţe, aşa că m-am întors ca să vars o lacrimă. În doar o secundă toată viaţa mi-a apărut în faţa ochilor, ca şi cum ar fi fost un film. Momentele în care m-am simţit urâtă, grasă, nefolositoare, invizibilă, depresivă... au fost cele mai grele, dar am reuşit să evadez din acea gaură neagră cu ajutorul cuvintelor pe care mama mi le-a spus la 2 noaptea, când am simţit că o sa cedez. "Eşti frumoasă! Cine naiba te-a făcut să crezi aşa ceva? Nu eşti grasă, urâtă, sau orice ai spus tu acum o secundă. Te iubesc, şi să nu uiţi asta niciodată! Ai înţeles?" i'-am spus iar ea era cat pe ce să plângă.
E, mi-a spus "Esti complet obsedata de el... Nu poti, pur si simplu sa nu mai fii asa diserata dupa atentie?". La inceput m-am enervat, din cauza celor spuse de ea, dar dupa aceea am stat si m-am gandit...
Imi place sa stau noaptea, afara pe balconul meu, sa privesc Luna, si sa las aerul rece sa imi intre in piept. Este asa de liniste ca pot chiar sa imi aud gandurile . Imi inchid ochii, si il vad pe el, ca o fantoma.