Because it's easier to run.

GIL SCOTT-HERON AND JAMIE XX - RUNNING

"Because it's easier to run, easier than staying and finding out you're the only one...who didn't run
because running will be the way your life and mine will be described"

I can’t surround myself with people full of hatred, evil souls and polite smiles. These are the most painful things I could experience. I don’t want to ever be like this, but I am afraid that the rough society we live in will turn even the purest soul into a demon. 

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Some piece of me still thinks of you every moment. I just keep playing you in my mind, like a really stupid and odd song. You don’t even notice me and it hurts to know that I am the only one that causes the pain I can feel in my chest sometimes. I feed myself with it, and I just can’t get enogh.

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I tasted the stars. I’ve never felt complete before this. The peace I had in me made my whole world seem amazing. I forgot everything, and only the moment mattered. Now I am biting the cold hard ground, and the rain is falling off the skies. Even they cry. 

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I would feel much better right now if only few tears will just fall down to the ground.

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Do you really like all the attention she gives you? I think you do like it a lot. You feed with it. It’s in your eyes. You like her, and it bothers me… because I could never be her.

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I am not sure, but I think I got bored of this situation. I love the idea of you. Your eyes, your hand, your smile, but there is something about you that makes me feel hate towards this flawless person I created in my head. I don’t know what it is yet, and I hope I will never get to figure that out.

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I keep wondering what will happen when I won’t be able to see you almost everyday. I somehow hope my feelings towards you will just simply fade away, without any harm to my soul. But then I want to keep you alive in my mind, and maybe someday you won’t be just a memory.

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Some fragments of my soul, I wrote over the past few months. 

Photo taken by me.